Friday, June 18, 2010

Wanna Buy a Duck?

Sadly, like every post here, the following is true.

I would say get them while they last, but I think the Venice Canals are pretty well stocked with the hottest selling item this summer, ducks.
But, unlike weed, you can't just pick up a duck at any store in Venice.
The only people who seem to have cornered the market on ducks, and by this I mean have the balls to swipe them straight from the Canals, are who else, but our local homeless youth.

While this may limit the number of people rushing down here to do business, it will surely keep owning a duck a rare, if not by LA standards, cool thing.

Not as cool as owning, say, a tiger, but it is cooler than another tiny dog in a bag.

Plus, despite what movies like Scarface and The Hangover have shown us, an average citizen is not allowed to own a tiger, which let's face it, is a far bigger status symbol, but unless you are a championship boxer with face tattoos or run your own cocaine syndicate (or in very rare cases both), you might have to settle for a duck.

Besides, tiger owners usually die the same way, and it isn't the gout.

So play it safe and impress your friends and family by bringing forty dollars down to the Venice Canals this weekend, and choose from a wide variety of Mallards.
Enjoy the smiles on the faces of your children when they are happily surprised to see their new duck, not some lame puppy. Relish in the envy of your neighbors, and that douche bag Jack from sales, when they see you walking a majestic water fowl through the neighborhood.

The supply seems to be plentiful, but the demand will surely rise as word spreads, so get on it people. And for those of you with a little more cash to burn, for eighty dollars you can go home with a goose. Not a metaphorical goose, but a real live member of the Anatiade family of birds.
By the way, forty for a duck and eighty for a goose are quoted prices, I did not make these up.

Sorry, no swans.

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